Labels

Labels, stereotypes, they are both the same and I have always struggled with this my entire life. Perhaps it is from moving around all of the time the other kids would have these pre-judgements about who I was based on their first encounters with me (I was not always the friendliest person - and still am not - we all have our days) This is just something that I feel and still battle with only this time it is over my son. My son who was give a diagnosis, a label of having Aspergers.

When I look at him I don't see Aspergers I see a five year old boy that is full of life, curiosity, loves Lego's, blueberries, and playing computer games. I see a boy who can't go to bed without giving me a hug and a kiss five times over, sleeps with his special blankie, and always has one last question before settling down in bed for the night - and yes another after that last one! Labels are just pre-judgements of what people think someone or something is going to be like without experiencing or getting to know an individual on their own terms. We all experience this at one point or another from both ends of the deal. It only makes us feel small and unappreciated in the end.

Considering that Aspergers is a spectrum disorder I still struggle with Noah's diagnosis. I struggle because some days I see the symptoms of what is wrong with him but other days he seems like a classic five year old (note I did not say normal - what is normal?). My fear is the title of having Aspergers will already set a alarm of prejudgement off in the minds of his future teachers and peers that they will put him under a magnifying glass above the rest of his class and he will be challenged even more to making friends. Luckily, my fears are just that right now fears. They have not been turned into a reality . . . yet. Our sitter Miss B is awesome! She sees Noah, and all of the kids as who they are. They are all treated the same and given the same expectation yet she understands that each kid has to be tailored to understand her rules differently. The school system however, may not see it this way all of the time because they expect certain behaviors through their previous experiences with kids on the autism spectrum.

The only benefits I can see of having a title/diagnosis is that it does set the bar and the notion that he does have the need for extra help and he does have the medical diagnosis for a reason to receive that extra attention before his behaviors classify him as a bad student. All of this screening from the occupational therapist, speech pathologist, opthamologist, psychologist is heavy on our calender and the gas tank. Yet, I know that through these tests and diagnostic screenings we are aiming to treat his symptoms not the title. He will always have a Title in his medical records and be labeled as having Aspergers but his symptoms will improve and he will always be OUR Noah OUR son, just with a something a little special different.

'Monkey Mind'

I have been slowly progressing my way through a book by Elizabeth Gilbert, called "Eat, Pray, Love". Slowly because I have three kids and am not home all the time anymore. . . at any rate I was reading it today and found this amazing analogy that helped to open my eyes to some of the things that Noah may be experiencing with his ADHD/Aspergers diagnosis. She summed it up as having a 'monkey mind' and I quote:

. . . Buddhist call the "monkey mind" - the thoughts that swing from limb to
limb, stopping only to scratch themselves, spit and howl. From the distant
past to the unknowable future, my mind swings wildly through time, touching on
dozens of ideas a minute, unharnessed and undisciplined. This in itself is
not necessarily a problem; the problem is the emotional attachment that goes
along with the thinking. Happy thoughts make me happy, but - whoop! - how
quickly I swing again into obsessive worry, blowing the mood. . . . the other
problem with all this swinging through the vines of thought is that you are
never where you are. You are always digging in the past or poking at the
future, but rarely do you rest in this moment.

Wow!
I could have said it better myself!! We all experience 'monkey mind' at times in our life but the thoughts that pour from Noah's mouth only remind me of his constant swinging and shifting at his own pace. The only way for him to find a presence is to
find a way to 'be here now' and focus on the current presence. But, how, how do we accomplish this with a five, almost six year old that all he has known is the swinging of thoughts and emotions that flow from him and in the world around him? I am against medication because it is from the thoughts and active mind he finds some of his most creative and ingenious abilities. How do I balance his ability to
think creatively without medication turning him into a zombie so that he can also be socially accepted more? What is better? What is more important? The struggle for balance continues . . .